Perfectionism isn't the pursuit of excellence—it's a relentless chase for the unattainable, with profound consequences for our well-being.
Paul Hewitt, a clinical psychologist at the University of British Columbia, has spent two decades researching perfectionism. He's co-authored a book exploring how these tendencies heighten vulnerability to clinical issues like anxiety and depression.
Hewitt recalls a talented student who earned an A+ on a rigorous college entrance exam designed to weed out the unprepared. Despite acing it, the student confessed suicidal thoughts to Hewitt: "I got an A+, but it just proved that if I were truly smart, I wouldn't have needed to work so hard." This illustrates perfectionism's core distortion.
Perfectionists fall into three categories: self-oriented (demanding flawlessness from themselves), other-oriented (expecting it from others), and socially prescribed (feeling external pressure for perfection).
Unlike healthy ambition or competition, perfectionism involves a hypercritical self-view, setting impossibly high standards that guarantee ongoing feelings of failure.
Experts like Thomas Curran, psychologist at the University of Bath, identify three drivers of rising perfectionism: modern parenting, cutthroat economies, and social media.
Social media amplifies it most: "Look around today, and perfectionism is everywhere," Curran notes. "I see it in friends, colleagues, and students. Social media's endless comparisons have supercharged it."
Curran’s team analyzed data from over 40,000 college students from 1989 to 2016. Socially prescribed perfectionism scores doubled—from 9% at the start to 18% by the end. Co-author Andrew Hill concluded, "Young people today are more perfectionistic than ever."
Perfectionists strive to measure up, but curated "perfect" lives online make it impossible.
This unattainable quest exacts a toll. A meta-analysis of 284 studies links high perfectionism to anxiety, depression, insomnia, eating disorders, suicidal ideation, and self-harm.
It persists lifelong. Martin Smith of York St John University found that lifelong perfectionists grow more susceptible to anger, anxiety, and irritability with age—accumulated from years of perceived failures.
Experts recommend granting yourself permission to err. Magali Combal, facilitator of Comundi's "Step Back from Perfectionism" course (featured in L'Express), explains: "Perfectionists think in binaries—either perfect or worthless. But reality offers endless shades of gray."
Monitor warning signs like fatigue, tension, frustration, isolation, or procrastination. Re-center yourself by reconnecting with others instead of withdrawing.
Finally, focus on practical steps: "Break projects into realistic stages, allocate time with buffers for the unexpected." Life is messier than perfectionists plan.
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