Together with Mieke Kosters, we will help you this month to realize your intention to become tighter. Not necessarily by eating healthier, but by changing your behavior and creating habits that you can maintain.
‘If you search for someone to change your life? Take a look in the mirror'
It just doesn't work anymore
I am chatting with a friend (40+) after exercise. She used to be fatter, and is now quite slim. Yet she weighs (again) about 6 kilos more than she wants. “How do you do that?” she asks. So I really want to lose those 6 kilos. Serious. I sport an accident. But that doesn't help. And I'm really careful with food. Okay, luckily I don't gain weight either, but nothing goes off either. Not a gram. As if it used to be much easier to lose weight. Sometimes I get a hold of it, then the number on the scale drops. But then if I let it run for a day, usually after a party or something. Then everything is right again. I have the feeling that I just can't lose weight anymore.'
That nagging about kilos and always eating "Yeah," I say. ‘I know this:the ‘not quite phase’ I call it. Most people who are trying to lose weight will end up doing this at some point. The danger is that you become so frustrated and despondent that you let everything run smoothly again. Or that you succumb to some extreme diet. So neither of you should do that," I tell my friend. "That's short-term thinking."
“I know that,” she says. “But it does cross my mind sometimes. That shit with food and pounds always.' We both laugh. “But seriously, what is your advice?”
Choose and do
The crux of the just-not-phase is simply that you don't do it. You consider yourself to be doing quite well and you idealize the past. Whether that image is true or not is completely irrelevant. Those condoning (you are doing quite well) and comparative (in the past everything went better and faster) thoughts only push you further into powerlessness. They don't help you. If you listen to it too much and believe in it, you will never reach your goal. Bottom-line is:what you DO NOW won't work. And then you have two options:accept those 6 kilos and stop complaining. Or change your eating behavior (even more). Both are fine, as long as you choose. Choosing gives you peace of mind. You stop fighting, you actually do something.
Have something for it
Are you going to change? Then it takes more than half an effort. Change is never possible by just messing around. You have to have focus. Make weight loss a priority. You have to have something to do with it. You have to be willing to have a hard time:endure hunger, cold, temptation and even a relapse. And still persevere.
I look at my girlfriend:'It sounds like you want it to be easy and fast and tasty and without effort. Keep on dreaming,' I say.
Yes, but in the past…
'Yeah but,' girlfriend mutters. "Last time I really felt like it was easy and faster." "Look," I say. "There you go again. You want it to come to you now. But that doesn't happen. Believe me, consciously or unconsciously you also decided last time that you really went for it. You've made your weight-loss effort a priority. YOU DID IT. And that is the main difference. That's why you got that good, easy feeling. It does not work does not exist; you DO NOT do it.
You probably don't fill out an app (because you already know it all). You haven't visualized a new goal (just pulled the old one out), you haven't come up with any concrete actions (but shout out something about snacking less), you give up at the first breath of headwind (you see, I'm too old, the magic is away), etc.
You do not accept your present reality. At least not really. You want to hit that target weight. Because you've already done so much for it. And you don't get that. Not then and certainly not now.”
You say yes too often
Girlfriend hums a bit. I will continue:'I know it myself. Been in this phase many times before. The point is, if you want to lose weight and you still take that third wine, second cookie and that bar of chocolate, you're disappointed. Of yourself. And you will justify that with things like:'I used to be fine, I lost weight much faster, now I gain weight faster, I just can't do it, the magic has worn off, I really don't have any discipline in terms of food, etc' .
All nonsense. Bottom line:You don't. You don't say no, or at least not often enough.'
The funny thing is, I don't have a magic trick for you. There is no pill or button that makes you take that extra step:do start with less food, say no to that extra cracker and go to bed instead of putting those last drops in your mouth. The power to do is within you. It's in everyone. You have proven that in the past. Look it up again. Dot those i's and don't let the 'poor me' and 'it doesn't work' thoughts take over. Determine your own behavior. Take action. For example, by saying no at least three times a day to something you do feel like. That often helps me to break through this phase.
DO, (effort) DO, DO
I may challenge you to be honest with yourself, give some insight and tips like above. I can even try to motivate you. But you decide. Do you want that powerful, confident feeling of "I can eat anything, I look good, I make choices, I'm in control of my eating behavior" back? Which can. Only one way:DO IT!
“So. That was the lesson for today," I joke. “Shall we have another glass of wine now?” “No, man/” Friend looks thoughtful:“You're absolutely right. I'll take a spa and I'll go home in a minute, make a plan.'
Three weeks later I get an app:“– 2.5 kilos. And that at my age. I feel great. Go get that -6.”
Read the previous blogs
Mieke Kosters is the founder of Skinnyminds. The approach to stop dieting and dieting and start losing weight permanently through behavioral change.
Are you already on your way to a slim mindset? Download the free checklist here.